This time last year (and the six before that) I would have been knee deep in Recital prep. Cutting music, perfecting choreography, fitting costumes, emailing details and schedules. I would have been on “don’t even look at me” mode with my husband and “you have got to do this yourself” mode with the kids. Fast forward a few weeks later, I would be standing on the recital stage after the final dance apologizing to my family for being a total bear the past several weeks and Thanking everyone who helped make that day possible for our students. Most of all, I would be standing there with a proud heart. I would be proud of my students. I would be proud of my teachers, I would be proud to have a studio that loved the Lord and loved our Dancers. I would even be proud of myself for “my” accomplishments. Having something good that you’re doing that people can SEE, that is tangible, it feels good……. and then when you don’t there comes a lot of digging inside yourself to find out what should really make you feel proud.
Several years ago the Lord spoke to me about His plans for my life. Since then all that He had shown me has begun to slowly come together. Most recently His provision was put on fast forward with a whirlwind of change. 8 months ago I fasted about weather or not to keep The Dance Project open, the Lord made it very clear to shut the doors and focus on my children and husband. December 12th was our last recital, December 28th my husband’s boss asked him if he would be willing to move to Nashville. January we put our house on the market and March 3rd we moved. AND NOW ___________________. And now we’re here and all things went from fast forward to STOP.
“Mommy, mommy it’s poop! It’s the poop one! I love the poop one!”
So, a few days ago, I put my hand in poop, on accident of course. Why was it on the side of the toilet bowl though? in the shape of a finger print? Clearly one of my four children were having an issue that they felt they could take care of on their own, except for the clean up part of it. I also found poop on Millie’s chair in her bedroom and poop stains in a little persons underwear (that I will not name for the sake of embarrassment). For several weeks now I have been wondering what in the world God is doing. I mean, we moved to a new city because we felt this is what God was calling us to do. Quite frankly, in the feelings department, it stinks, big time. “My Pride” is gone, My God is silent and I’m hands deep in poop.
Yesterday, in the Target check out line, I allowed my two littles to get a treat. They picked out one of the mystery emoji packages. We get in the car, I open the treats and pass them to the back seat. Suddenly I hear, “Mommy, mommy it’s poop! It’s the poop one! I love the poop one!” She even said, “Jesus knew I would love the poop one.” I (being the strange person I am) began to cry. Instantly after hearing her the past several months played in my mind. The loss, the struggle, the unnoticed hard work, my selfishness, my “this isn’t what I thought was gonna be” and then a flood of the sweet faithfulness of the Lord.
Our pride comes from being a child of the most high king. Take notice of how the Lord is enriching the soil you are planted in (…. you are God’s field, God’s building….1 Cor. 3:9). Nothing goes unnoticed to Him. If poop is what it takes to get me where God wants me, so be it. After all, isn’t manure the best soil for a growing plant (……., but it was God, not we, who made it grow. 1 Cor. 3:6).